Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The iPhone and I

I drank the kool-aid and got an iPhone.

Friends near and far are glad I can now open their texts. 
(what does that even MEAN? "Open their texts"?  It could be so profound.)


I was nudged by the straw and the camel's back because I couldn't open a text message from a mom who had my kid over for a playdate.  
What if her text was a picture of my kid smiling?  What if her text was of my kid bleeding?  What if her text was my kid on a 4-wheeler on a steep hill? My kid is 2. And she was kinda in a battery-powered Barbie car on a driveway, for real.

So I bought the data package and upgraded to the free phone.

I can Facetime, y'all.  I cant believe that word is in my vocabulary. ("Facetime," not "y'all."  "Y'all" has always been there. Since in utero.)


I don't know how to use all the features on the phone yet.

I do know how it is making me feel.

I treat Facebook and Twitter and smart phones like the postal system.  I send a message and then wait a few days. HOLY COW that is NOT how social networking works.

If I don't return a text or an email within a few hours...or a day...people think I may have died and what will happen to my kids.
Deep breath.



So I have this iPhone and I am thinking to myself, what about that time Jesus went into the desert and fasted. Fasting being no water, no food, no Internets.  Then the devil says I will give you EVERYTHING - instant everything - at your fingertips - all info and text and this and that and google this, y'all.  And Jesus says no thanks.  

I am thinking, what if he meant, why go to lunch with ONE person when you can leave your smart phone on the table and go to lunch with one person PLUS everyone in your Contacts, including your kids' school(s)?

What if he meant, you can go to the playground and a picnic and dinner out, but why do that with those you can see, when you can do that with ALL who are on the grid?


Why be present, when you can be PRESENT?

I am confused.

I am not against smart phones, I am just not for them.  
So where am I?

Why don't iPhones come with a prescription for Paxil, or its generic equivalent?
I feel more connecting, more confused by my opportunities to connect, and feel sure that if your hands are wet, you CANNOT effectively use the touch screen.
My hands are wet a lot.


I think I need to go to the Genius Bar at the Apple Store.  If I ask about scripture there, do you think the teenage experts will be more confused by my "irrelevant" questions, or by the fact they were up until 4am with their most recent garage band?  
Regardless, I am grateful.

Confused, but grateful.



Monday, April 22, 2013

Darby Day

The other day, I needed some time on the farm.  
That is, I needed a task with a beginning and an end, something that showed quick results, something that helped people or animals or the earth, and was do-able in a 3 hour time slot. 

So I went to J. Darby Farm and asked what I could do.
It was raining. 
Josh was feeding the mules, horses and goats. You don't feed the chickens until later because they will eat the others' food.  They were vocal about having to wait.

Joyce and I pulled nutritious grass to feed the horses and mules a treat.

Then she needed to move chickens.  
Her adolescent chickens had outgrown the makeshift coop in the garage:



So they graduated to the outside coop.
I was a big fat chicken about picking up the chickens (ha!) so Joyce grabbed them, handed them to Josh, and I was the gate keeper.  City girl.






We successfully moved 18 into the outside coop, to be free-range, healthy, organic, egg-laying wonders.

Here they are in their new coop:



I was taking pictures while Josh and Joyce were actually helpful. I was the Amazed City Girl on the farm. They are so patient with me.

Thank you Earth, thank you J. Darby Farm, thank you on this Earth Day 2013 for teaching me so much.

Sister Football at the Bike Race



At the end of Brian's 100 mile bike race Saturday, we found ourselves in perfect weather on a perfect lawn at Judson College.





Perfect chance for Henry to teach Corinne some perfect football moves.




My arm is sore from throwing, my belly sore from laughing.
Bliss, people.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Is 7 Years Considered "Tween" Already?

On the way home from school, Svea taught me this rhyme:

A, B, C, D... (sung like the ABC song)


...(then she yells, rapper-style):
Ain't nobody gonna mess with me!


Your Mama, your Daddy, your BALD-HEADED Granny!


She's 99, she thinks she's fine!  She's going out with Frankenstein!


Go Granny!  Go Granny! Go Go Go Granny!


Granny-anny-anny-anny...JOOOOOOOONNNNEEEES.


The best part?  She's got Corinne walking around rapping about Granny Jones. 
Help, people.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Corinne Has Her Own Glee Club

Everything is a musical around here.

Complete with microphone, djembe drum and loud singing.
Corinne loves it the most, Svea just kinda, and Henry has to leave the room to break dance in private.






Svea is patient for awhile, but then quickly tires of Corinne over-singing her and screaming key phrases like, "It's MY turn!!!"  or "I AM TALKING."


I am working on my emotional reserves as I see these moments as glimpses of my future...mediating their talents and creative flares so that no one gets squashed or left out...

My battle is long and uphill, but I am ready to climb. Hopefully I'll have loud singing and djembe drums alongside for the journey.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Collecting Conversations, 4.10.13

I spent the day collecting the conversations around me.

I just want to say, if you are a participant in any of these, I hope my recollections of our time together is accurate.  My reactions were only shock, surprise, delight, confusion, and whaaaa?  There was never any judgment, and I sure hope we run into each other again soon.

One more disclaimer, there is some major potty talk in one of these. But how can you talk about pushing a baby out without a little confusion in anatomy and terminology?




On the way to school this morning...

Henry:  Mom, I am SO glad I am not a girl.
Me: Okay. Why?
Henry: Because then I would have boobies coming out of nowhere and I would have to poop out a baby.
Me: Whaaa?  Women don't poop out babies!
Henry: Well then they push them out the tee-tee hole. So the baby comes out like a water slide (he's laughing now).
Svea: Nuh-unh Henry!  That is NOT how it works! They have to CUT the mommy's tummy to get the baby out.
Henry: Whatever, Svea.
Svea: Henry, it's really hard to do!! You have to push REALLY hard and then the baby comes out your bum-crack hole!
Cue sounds of me driving off the road.





Friend: Girl, I have to tell you about a dream I had last night! I was at church!  The word "Emmanuel" kept coming up!!  I have GOT to find out who this Emmanuel is!!!!
Me: Okay.  We can do that.





I'm helping at the book fair and a kindergarten class comes in.  They give me three students to help shop.

Student #1: Zzzzzzzziiiiiipppp. He is off running to a far corner to shop on his own. He hates the idea of my help.

Student #2: No. No. No. I don't like that. I'm going over here...

Student #3: Hum Him Hoom Here Day Yur?
Me: I'm sorry, I don't understand you.
Student #3: Points at 2 books wrapped together with dog tags inside. Humm Whoo Yay Yur. They-ur.
Me: Studying the dog tags and trying to understand.
Student #3: Just one.  He wants to unwrap the book and set and just have the dog tags.  Then he points at the books. Tim tumm dey fuh reeyul?
Me: Is it real?  Like is this a real book?
Student #3: Hmm. True?
Me: Is it true?  Like is this nonfiction?? I'm getting really excited that I might understand!!!!  Yes, it's a true story!!
Student #3: Looks at me blankly and walks to look at other books. He will not speak to me again.





I go back to talk to some other moms who are volunteering.
I'm hoping for better luck.

Other Mom:  Phones are so disgusting. They say you should wash them in alcohol. One time? I walked in and my husband was sitting on the potty? He was playing a game on his phone. So I said, "Why are you still in here?  I NEVER get to sit on the potty this long!!"

Me: Am I missing something? What about the fact that he's playing a game while on the toilet?? Seriously, is this what people do?





Henry:  Mooooom?!!!!?
Me:  Yeah?
Henry:  silence
Me: waiting
Henry: silence
Me:  Henry?
Henry: What?!?
Me:  You called my name.
Henry: No I didn't.  Then he walks out of the room.
Me:  What just happened?





'Night, y'all.   I'm so tired.  Sweet delicious dreams to all of us.





Saturday, April 06, 2013

If You Have Met My Daughters...

...and if you have 2 minutes and 48 seconds, this video is Corinne and Svea if they played the piano together. True to hair color, Svea is Chico, the brunettes, and Corinne is Harpo, the blondes (even though Corinne is blonde in real life and red-headed Harpo is blonde only in black and white filming).
Enjoy.
Mama Yo Quiero.

Thursday, April 04, 2013

Cheese Band-aid

I swear.
I have never told her I like Nelly.
She wore this band-aid on her nose for hours and then slept in it.
I asked her to say CHEESE for the picture and she was all confused.

Srsly.

Easter 2013: Keepin' It Real In The Rain