The iPhone and I

I drank the kool-aid and got an iPhone.

Friends near and far are glad I can now open their texts. 

(what does that even MEAN? "Open their texts"?  It could be so profound.)

I was nudged by the straw and the camel's back because I couldn't open a text message from a mom who had my kid over for a playdate.  

What if her text was a picture of my kid smiling?  What if her text was of my kid bleeding?  What if her text was my kid on a 4-wheeler on a steep hill? My kid is 2. And she was kinda in a battery-powered Barbie car on a driveway, for real.

So I bought the data package and upgraded to the free phone.

I can Facetime, y'all.  I cant believe that word is in my vocabulary. ("Facetime," not "y'all."  "Y'all" has always been there. Since in utero.)

I don't know how to use all the features on the phone yet.

I do know how it is making me feel.

I treat Facebook and Twitter and smart phones like the postal system.  I send a message and then wait a few days. HOLY COW that is NOT how social networking works.

If I don't return a text or an email within a few hours...or a day...people think I may have died and what will happen to my kids.

Deep breath.

So I have this iPhone and I am thinking to myself, what about that time Jesus went into the desert and fasted. Fasting being no water, no food, no Internets.  Then the devil says I will give you EVERYTHING - instant everything - at your fingertips - all info and text and this and that and google this, y'all.  And Jesus says no thanks.  

I am thinking, what if he meant, why go to lunch with ONE person when you can leave your smart phone on the table and go to lunch with one person PLUS everyone in your Contacts, including your kids' school(s)?

What if he meant, you can go to the playground and a picnic and dinner out, but why do that with those you can see, when you can do that with ALL who are on the grid?

Why be present, when you can be PRESENT?

I am confused.

I am not against smart phones, I am just not for them.  

So where am I?

Why don't iPhones come with a prescription for Paxil, or its generic equivalent?

I feel more connecting, more confused by my opportunities to connect, and feel sure that if your hands are wet, you CANNOT effectively use the touch screen.

My hands are wet a lot.

I think I need to go to the Genius Bar at the Apple Store.  If I ask about scripture there, do you think the teenage experts will be more confused by my "irrelevant" questions, or by the fact they were up until 4am with their most recent garage band?  

Regardless, I am grateful.

Confused, but grateful.