Saturday, January 25, 2014

Bernadette, the Angry Cat, and Heather

My friend Cheryl lent me the book Where'd You Go, Bernadette?

I had one of those experiences where I didn't know I was at risk, but while reading that book I realized: This story has UP AND SAVED MY LIFE.

Right before Bernadette, I read Carry On, Warrior on a partial recommendation from my friend Angela (she recommended Glennon's website Momastery and would have recommended the book I feel sure, but I found the book through her blog).
Well that book UP AND SAVED MY LIFE too.

Glennon talks about being a writer and how it is akin to having an angry cat inside of her clawing to get out; there are just all of these ideas!
I get that.
I think I have lots of angry cats.

But I want my angry cats to come out looking like Emptied Gestures by Heather Hansen.
Her angry cats are so smooth and pretty.

I can't stop watching weird, modern, abstract art in motion after those two books and Heather Hansen on You Tube.

Y'all, I don't know what book to read next. The bar is so high in these recent life-saving experiences (again, NOT feeling at risk, just terribly inspired).

Carry on, you warriors, let your angry cats out in Antarctica if you have to.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Sounds of a Fourth Grade Field Trip, 2014

Kid: Do you know who Bruce Lee is?
Another Kid: Yeah, he's that guy who is always taking his shirt off.

Chaperone:  Do they have wifi on the bus? Surely they do! ESPN is on the TV so they MUST have wifi. Are you getting it on your phone? The wifi??

Kid: If you are a page for the Senate, do they have a laundry room for you to wash your clothes? How do you get home?

Kid: I lost my cookies! I mean, literally! They fell out of my pocket!

Another kid:  If you drink alcohol for 24 hours and then drive a car, you will get a DUI.

Kid: If you like it then you better put a ring on it!!

Chaperone:  Where is the BAR?!

Tour Guide: Are there any questions about the tour?
Kid: YES. What TIME is it??

Shout out to Lurleen Wallace, the first and only female far:

Tour Guide:  Why do you think Jefferson Davis and his wife had separate bedrooms?

Kid: He was so tall his feet would hang off the end of her bed.

Next kid: He snored.

Next kid: They were having problems in their relationship.

Next kid: He had to work all the time.

Fourth graders are their own breed, y'all. You just never know what you are going to hear.
I was proud to collect these comments today, and honored to be a part of this group!

Monday, January 06, 2014

Sometimes, My Life Feels Ridiculous.

Sometimes, my life feels ridiculous.

Then my three-year-old experiences laughing gas at the dentist office and I realize that my life, indeed at times, IS ridiculous.
N2O, y'all.

She was very nervous about the pending dental work, but after a few whiffs of the vanilla-ice-cream-scented gas, she blinked at me, let go of my hand and said, "I am NOT scared."

Then she looked at the hygienist and said, "Hey doctor, can you adjust this hose into my nose?"

Then she cracked up and said, "Mom! Look at my FOOTS!"
I looked down at her feet and she had crossed her ankles. She could not stop laughing.

She was quiet for about 7 seconds.
Then, "I was sick last day. At 38. I was sick at 38. Now I'm 3. I'm not sick. I'm 3." Three fingers in the air waving them around.
The hygienist next to our hygienist thought that one was hilarious. She kept repeating it to her 11-year-old patient who totally did not care.

There were posters on the ceiling of puppies brushing their teeth and of a chimpanzee flossing after every banana. Those really tipped over her giggle box.

Then she pulled her skirt up and bent her knees, waved her fists in the air and started singing, "Wo ho! A donkey kong! Wo ho! A donkey kong!" over and over and over and over. I thought the hygienist was going to fall out of her chair.
I explained to Corinne that this was reason #37,952 that she was not allowed to go to college...or any parties, or even leave the house.

Two silver teeth later, she was not as pleased. She hated biting on the cotton gauze and kept complaining that her cheek was so "thick".
After some screen time and cantaloupe, all was well and she is chomping away on dinner tonight. There are no scheduled trips to the dentist tomorrow, but I feel sure at least part of the day will prove ridiculous.
Bring it. I know where to find the N2O (just in case I need it).