Monday, August 03, 2015

Creative UP.

The husband bought a Ford Bronco. It's from 1974.

He found it somehow in somewheres from some great guy and took our son with him to pick it up. The son, of 11 years, calls me after the acquisition to tell me about it...except he forgets to hold the phone rectangle thing to his face because he is of the Wifi generation so I am screaming to him to keep the box on his cheek so that I can make sure that husband is still alive.
All are alive and well.
That is the good news.

The bad news is that the roof of the Bronco flew off early in the ride home, neighborly drivers helped retrieve it, a neighborly hardware store provided new bolts, and MORE GOOD NEWS when the roof blew off it knocked the wasp nests loose so no more stinging!

I was up in the wee hours of the morning examining the situation in my mind over a bowl of homemade cheese grits.
Here's where I landed:
In my marriage, I must maintain the Creative UP.
We have our linear lives - to work and back, care of self and close family, email this, call that, text here, receive there - it's all Two Dimensional. The Creative UP is the third thing that brings us up and out of ourselves, making us Three Dimensional, full and happy for our people.

I would (and did) argue that our family's time, resources and energy would be better spent in this phase NOT on a Bronco.
I am grateful to yoga and meditation for helping me clearly state that.
There is a cost beyond acquiring this vehicle (which does not, in fact, actually turn on and drive anywhere yet). Husband is aware of that cost, the ripple effects and the emotional equity involved.
I can't be in charge of all that.
I need to stay Three Dimensional too.

What I am understanding is that I get most angry about these seemingly-crazy, random, potentially dangerous purchases when I am not in my best, balanced place, hanging out in my own Three Dimensions to keep perspective. It's my job to stay 3-D (responsibly and not over-justifying or making excuses, puh-lease).

I get a big buzz by creating order out of chaos - like organizing closets, repainting canvases, making purses out of wine bags and coffee bags. I love pulling out broken parts of toys and games and seeing what the kids and I can build. I love laughing in a yoga class...and pretty much anything in a yoga class.
Glennon talks about clinging to grace with both hands, and that's how I feel. I cling to the grace that comes from staying 3-D which strengthens my marriage.

I got some messages of sympathy and solidarity yesterday from beloved souls who know my heart.
Some of you out there are married to partners who like fun projects which sometimes inconvenience others or seem crazy...and it's easier to discuss this with other people instead of examining why you feel the way you do. I know this because I have been there, witnessed it, experienced it, even joked about support groups to get through it. I need a new path, one where we stick together and try hard to learn the ways that keep each other Creatively UP (with humor, without judgment).

This Bronco is hard to understand, seems irrational, is creative and interesting.
Over cheese grits and the rising sun, I wouldn't have my marriage any other way. On any given day it seems hard to understand, irrational, creative and interesting.

I don't want to lose quality time as a family, to live in debt, to hoard and stack cars and trailers in our yard, nor start projects without finishing them. I also don't want to live a linear, two-dimensional life in a marriage more concerned with bottom lines, practicality and retirement. That's just me.
But it's me on this side of the marriage.

Here we go.
We will continue to celebrate whatever "Bronco" may come. The hard work, the exciting work, remains in the Creative UP-keeping of this family. That's where I want to stay busy.


Bob Bentley said...

Great writing. Even better heart. Thanks mollie.

MCMcAnnally said...

This is just, so, SO good. So good. Thanks for shining a light here.

Dedra Cagle said...

Amen! Keep the 3D side dear. I love it. I love you all too.