Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Subtle Disconnects

I've always thought of self-deception as a useful tool. In moderation, of course. Maybe it's that space you give between yourself and, well, yourself, that makes it so confusing.

For instance, Henry and Svea were having a hard afternoon a few days ago and just couldn't seem to find what they needed to get happy. It was 4pm and we had a whole HOUR before dinner. So what did I do? I whipped out the high chair, tray, candy, Dora video, scissors and comb and they got hair cuts. Voila! New children!

The other night I was sweeping up in the breakfast room under the table where we have our nine meals a day and Henry walked in. He said, "Whoa Mommy! Well WHO made all that?" looking at my pile of crumbs. So I named all the people who ate at the table that day, including HIM. He just stared at me like I had melted his brain, and then he walked out of the room shaking his head.

I went into the basement the other week to move some things around for a few hours and to let Brian have some time with the kids upstairs (how very nice of me). I took my ipod so that I would truly feel alone, putting both of the ear phones in my ears. While listening to the music that I, MYSELF, picked to go on that 1GB drive, that I chose so carefully since I only have room for about 25 songs, I actually thought, "Oh my GOSH these are great songs!" As if someone else had picked the playlist. Whatever.

I remember sitting with a radio on my bed as a child and waiting waiting WAITING for MY SONG to come on so I could quickly push PAUSE on the cassette player and RECORD & PLAY would still be down so I could tape my song and learn all the words and please oh please don't let there be any commercials at the beginning or end. I'm guessing Henry and Svea will not have those moments of waiting...in their childhood of instant access.

The way they view themselves, and discreetly deceive themselves, will be totally different I presume. I can't wait to see how it happens...


Babs said...

I can only aspire to be as creative and reflective as you.

I, Mollie said...

Aspire away, you superstar. The feeling is so mutual.

Joyce said...

Aww. Can I join the lovefest? I'm so neither reflective or creative though.

Have to say I have been suffering blog withdrawal. Glad you're back in your routine!